Thursday, February 9, 2012

Not Just Another Valentine’s Day

It must be human nature to take life for granted … take our loved ones … our friends for granted … not intentionally, by no means … we just let hours turn into days and days into months and so on and next thing we know … we haven’t truly let the people we love … family or friends, know what we think of them … know what they mean to us.  No matter how many times we tell ourselves and others “Life is short” or that we are “living on borrowed time” or that “we are never promised a tomorrow” … we somehow forget that in our daily lives.  Why?  I don’t know … I sure do think it all the time … think of someone and what they mean to me … maybe its because people just don’t like ooey gooey … I’m not sure … maybe the words don’t come as easily as we think them in our hearts.  I know they don’t for me.  I know I’m guilty of it just like everyone else.  Guilty I know for not telling my parents, before they were gone, exactly how much I loved them and why … why they meant so much to me … not because of the obvious … they were my parents … but what they did for me … how they raised me … how they were such a huge part in the person I’ve become.  Forget about the mistakes they made … I turned out to be a pretty good person and I owe it all to them!  The good stuff is all that really matters in the end … not the mistakes getting there.  I know in my heart I never told them and how sad that makes me feel … so very sad.  Oh some will say “they knew Debbie” … but did they really?!?  Did I miss that opportunity year after year?!?  I think so … and that makes me really sad.

I’ve been writing my beautiful baby girl everyday since she’s been at USAF BMT … just like I did her brothers before her but I find it hard to say the things I really feel … the words just don’t come out right when I try.  Oh I tell her I love her and I’m proud of her and what a strong woman she’s become … all the obvious stuff I feel but why is it so hard to say more … go into depth about my love for her … for her brothers (my sons) … do they really know what I’ve sacrificed for them, that I put my heart and soul into raising them properly, that my love for them runs so deep, that no matter how grown they are they are my babies … oh how I struggle with my feelings and expressing them … it shouldn’t be so hard.  Every time I hear that song (and I’m not good with song titles so forgive me) that goes something like this “I’d catch a grenade for ya, take a shot through the brain for ya, do anything for ya” (I know I’ve probably got all the words all wrong but you know which song I’m talking about) … anyway … that song makes me think of my kids … that’s how much I love them … I’d die for them.

Today, I went out to buy my baby girl a Valentine’s Day card, something I haven’t done for the kids in years (when they were growing up I would make heart shaped homemade cookies decorated with red and white icing or buy them candy hearts, cards and sometimes I even made them cards but for a very long time now I’ve done nothing … treated it like another day).  Anyway, I felt the need to do it for Alayna since she’s so far away from home and very homesick.  I ended up buying her two … it took two to say what I wanted to say.  Then I bought a few more … they boys were on my mind too … I even broke down and bought one for Scott.  Why?  Because I found cards that said exactly what I was feeling and felt what better way to say it then in a card.  An unexpected card, mind you!  To me, Valentine’s Day is another chance to say what you’re feeling unlike my husband’s views on the holiday.  He’s always been in the retail field so he believes it’s a retailer’s way to make more money.  When I told him today that I bought the kids Valentine’s Day cards, he just rolled his eyes at me.  I said what a great excuse to say what you feel to those you love and he said … “you can say the same thing in a text message for a lot cheaper”!!!!!  Really?  I didn’t hesitate with my response to that one … “okay Scott, you just do that … you send me a text on Valentine’s Day and see what happens!!!”  Yea a text message might be meaningful but a red and white beautiful card with ribbons and lacey drawings … hand picked just for the person … that means a lot more doesn’t it?  Means you took the time to read and read and read some more all the beautiful cards til you found the perfect one for your loved one … that would mean more wouldn’t it?  Then some old text message! 

No matter what you might think of Valentine’s Day … it is a day (an excuse) to say what you’re thinking.  Yea we have another 364 days each year to say it and yea we really don’t need an excuse to buy a sweet card or send a gift for no reason at all … but holidays are that extra push we sometimes need in the crazy busy life we all lead.

I vow to be better at saying the words that are in my heart … not waiting to say them on a special occasion but when I thinking them … I vow to try to be a better person, mother, friend … to let my loved ones know how much they mean to me … I vow to always try my best to put into words all those ooey gooey sweet thoughts I have … at least I’m gonna try!  And isn’t that what Jesus would do and what He’d expect of me?  To just say the words no matter how ooey gooey they feel rolling off my lips!!!

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